30 Forbidden Fruits
by Yui-Mag
Summary: A look at the evolution of the characters in Kaze Hikaru through 30 themes: Forbidden Fruits. Focuses mainly on Sei and Soji but others are mentioned as well. Slight spoiler alert for later volumes that have not yet been released in the US.
1. Bitter

_30 Forbidden Fruits_

_Disclaimer – The characters of Kaze Hikaru are Taeko Watanabe's creation and not my own. _

_1. __bitter_

She had never realized how poisonous her rage and hatred had been nor how bitter the taste of revenge would be in reality. But as she stood there, feeling as if her whole world had just shrunk to the katana that was shaking within her sweaty grasp and to those wild scared eyes and that young woman whose excitement and joy had been intoxicating moments before but now was just a curse, she could only sway between moving forward and killing the man outright or let him escape and have the ghosts of her family remain un-avenged. In the end, the hot salty tears that ran down her face were of little consolation and his eventual death, even less so. The hatred remained, so did the bitterness, but worst of all—the hole within her heart and the knowledge that Okita-sensei was right. She'd been a coward.

To be continued...


	2. Sweet

_2. __sweet_

The feeling she felt growing within her with each passing day scared her at first. She didn't know what it meant; only that her heart would race and her cheeks would heat up and it was annoying. It was annoying because it would hurt when his attention was turned elsewhere and it wasn't bushi-like. The worst part of it, Sei realized, was that she couldn't stop it. And it would have been sweet, if there was even the remote possibility that he in turn felt the same way. But there wasn't, was there?


	3. Love

_3.__ love_

The emotions had a name after all and they had been obvious to everyone … _everyone _… except him. She couldn't, she didn't… she didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to feel about all of it. (…_could just stand there and watch, frozen, as the men echoed all of what she'd been feeling, thinking, and dreading and why was she crying? Where was her anger at them fighting for such an idiotic cause? It'd been burning so brightly and now… now she was…crying?_) She'd been trying so hard. So hard and for what? To have so many men and Akesato-san take one look at her, and know that she'd fallen in love with a man who could not possibly look at her in the same light? He had his duty, his whole purpose in life mapped away. He had no place in his heart for one silly little girl…


	4. Hate

_4. __hate_

The longer she remained by his side, the more she realized that it was easy to hate but it was so much harder and painful to love. Why was that?


	5. Black

_5. __black_

She had been taught when she was very little that colors could represent emotions—red for love or passion or even hatred, blue for peace or sadness, yellow for joy, white for purity, black for evil, and so on—but she didn't agree. Evil wasn't the color black. Evil was a muddy brown, where all the colors would mix and their clarity became muddled into a mass of misunderstandings. Like the crowd gathering into a mob, common sense lost, rationality forgotten, and humanity put on the back burner as they let their fears, anger, and hatred brew and move as one. No… evil was not black. Black, Sei thought as she stared up at the endless night sky, better represented indifference, when there simply was nothing there.


	6. White

_6. __white_

The light was blinding as the sun slowly crept past the horizon and made its way into the windows and he couldn't help but be taken aback by the sight of her head bowed down in prayer against the backdrop. It was so simple. It was such an ordinary scene. Yet it moved him and he wondered once again what exactly the feelings he has for Kamiya-san mean…


	7. Forever

_7. __forever_

She speaks of staying in the troupe forever but he now realizes that what she means is that she'll stay by _his_ side forever. The realization leaves him cold and warm at the same time. Cold because he knows this is a death sentence for the girl and he's never wanted anything like this! Warm because he's aware now—he's aware of his own feelings and he yearns to be able to promise her a different forever. But he's not sure he believes in forever…(_too many deaths, too much blood spilt by his hands, he's already promised his life to the captain…his hand trembles. He feels feverish. He wonders how long he'll be able to hide the sickness that is running through his veins_) and he's not sure that he has a forever to promise her.


End file.
